Methods Distancing A Time to Live

One evening in 2005 I found myself standing in a funeral home crying. At the time, I assumed my feelings
were coming from the memories of my mother’s death a few years earlier. That had to be it since I had
never even met the deceased. I went to the funeral home visitation to be supportive of a friend whose
daughter had passed away. The daughter was 28 years old and had committed suicide. With a gunshot
wound to the head, the body was not viewable.

After arriving home I was still very upset. Then I realized that the cause of my grief was not past family
memories or even intense sympathy for my friend’s family. My heart was aching for the deep dark despair
the young woman must have felt to be driven to this final action.

I was upset because this did not need to happen. I was upset because no one intervened in an effective
way. I was upset because those close to this young woman did not understand the life-threatening
aspects of her long-term depression. I was upset because of society’s assumption that depressed people
can “pull themselves out of it” if they just try hard enough. I was upset because…it could have been me.

… for those suffering with Suicidal Thoughts

Do you hear yourself saying, “I cannot continue to live like this, but I do not want to die. Someone please
help me!” This book has been written for you.

I once had a friend tell me “There is light at the end of the tunnel and it is NOT the train.” Do you feel like
that sometimes - that the light at the end of the tunnel is the train about to run you down? I have been there
so many times but can now say that the light is getting brighter and it is NOT the train!

During several of the crisis periods of my life, I have trekked to the local bookstore in hopes of locating a
resource that would give me direction. I found very long books with very small print that were written by very
well-intentioned psychologists who did not have an understanding of my problem. Instead of providing
some practical steps that would help me through a life and death crisis, the books were full of theories,
warning signs and grief tips for loved ones. I wanted to scream…“PLEASE HELP ME!” Each year, millions
of people have this same plea.

One thing you frequently hear in regard to suicide is that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Whoever coined this phrase has no understanding of the origins of suicidal thoughts. A lifetime of
emotional pain with no end in sight does not feel very temporary.

After years of struggling, I made a commitment to give life one more year. Suicide was not an option during
that time period. I slowly learned how to survive the crisis moments while at the same time implementing
long-term healing strategies. This book’s ten life-saving strategies are the result of that critical year.
Presented in a personal application format, you will be guided through each of the six crisis strategies and
four healing strategies.

God has allowed challenges to come into my life with the promise that He will have something good come
from my suffering. A Time to Live: Surviving Suicidal Thoughts represents God’s promise fulfilled that He
has all things work for the good for those who love Him and who have been called according to His
purpose. A Time to Live: Surviving Suicidal Thoughts is the resource I wish had been available during my
thirty years of recurrent suicidal thoughts.

I am not a psychologist or a trained counselor. I am a regular person like you who has suffered for years
with unwanted recurrent thoughts of suicide. My hope is that you will find some meaningful tools to help
you move beyond a constant state of hopelessness and isolation. That you will find the abundant life God
has waiting for you.

Notice: Dealing with suicidal feelings can be a very painful process. Because of this, I strongly recommend
that you work through these concepts while under the care of a trained counselor or pastor.

There is help for you! There is hope for your life! There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is NOT the
train.

… for Family and Friends

A Time to Live: Surviving Suicidal Thoughts provides crisis coping strategies and long-term healing
strategies for people with recurrent suicidal thoughts. As a family member or friend of a sufferer, you will
gain useful insights in regard to what a loved one is experiencing. You may even wish to become that one
supportive person that your loved one desperately needs.

I have found that people who have never experienced serious thoughts of suicide are typically unable to
relate to the viewpoint of someone who experiences these thoughts. Therefore, I urge you to stay focused
on your loved one’s life-threatening condition to avoid becoming bogged down by your own inability to
relate to their thoughts and feelings.

While in counseling, I began seriously seeking a way to better cope with my own suicidal thoughts. I was
very fearful those thoughts would eventually result in my death. After continually seeking methods of
coping, I eventually found a combination of elements to be effective in helping me manage crisis moments.

For me, a crisis moment is when something has happened in my world that brings the suicidal thoughts
strongly to the forefront of my mind. Sometimes the thoughts pass quickly and without much consequence.
At other times, the thoughts are very strong and deeply disturbing. These life-threatening feelings began
when I was in my early teens, and I have never actively sought them out. They are just there.

Please know that your loved one does not want to have thoughts of suicide. Your loved one does not want
to die. Your loved one is experiencing a tremendous sense of hopelessness and unrelenting emotional
pain. There is most likely clinical depression or some other treatable disorder in play. The recurrent
thoughts are merely a symptom of a larger problem. Unfortunately, it is a symptom that can prove fatal if
the underlying cause is not treated.

Your loved one is most likely afraid to speak openly to you about how he or she is feeling. Your loved one
fears your judgment, your ridicule and your misunderstanding. These reactions will make someone with
suicidal thoughts feel even more hopeless and isolated. It is critical that people with these recurrent
thoughts have at least one person with whom to speak openly about their feelings. Many times, just talking
about these feelings in a non-judgmental and empathetic environment will help diffuse a life-threatening
situation.

Your loved one has much work ahead in terms of dealing with the underlying causes. The thoughts, most
likely, will not just suddenly stop. It will take time. Until the underlying causes have been effectively
resolved, you can help your loved one through crisis moments. You do not need an understanding of how
someone can have these suicidal thoughts. You just need to have a non-judgmental listening and
supportive ear.